Assassinatin'
as·sas·sin
n.
One who murders by surprise attack, especially one who carries out a plot to kill a prominent person.
Assassin - A member of a secret order of Muslims who terrorized and killed Christian Crusaders and others.
So, I went to see Lucky Number Slevin tonight, which I liked... and afterwards, I thought perhaps I would write a review of the movie, so that one day, many days from now, i could look back (read my old blog) and say, "hmmn, looks like i enjoyed Lucky Number Slevin, lets see what i liked about it...".
As absolutely fantastic as i predict that moment could have been, I was looking over my previous two blog entries, and i realized that i couldnt follow up somthing as personal as a social commentary on my own matters of the heart with just a simple movie review. i couldnt follow up a post about my troubles with love and life with a couple of thumbs up and a plot summary. Nope, I was gonna have to give a lot more of myself to keep the theme of this blog consistent... Keep peeling back the emotional layers of the onion that is nickel if you will. And therefore, this evening, as a special treat, I have decided to write a few paragraphs regarding my thougths, personal recollections and experiences regarding assassins, assassinatin' and the art of assassination.
I should start by saying that eveything youve probably heard by now is true. I used to be an assassin. Only my almost overwhelming talent and ability allows me to announce that here in this public forum, without fear of revealing my identity to those that might do me harm. i am retired now however, so you can all sleep a little easier (ya, i mean you matiushyk). I know you all have questions at this point, ive heard them all before a million times... Have I ever stared into another man's eyes while i pumped 5 bullets through his skull? You betcha. Have I ever had a mans head in a vice while his 4 children stood by and watched me pop his bloody eyeballs clear out of his head? Ofcourse. And have i ever used a long range sniper rifle to make a eneuch of a high ranking official who may or may not have cheated on his vengeful scorned wife? I think that goes without saying.
I was probably one of the top three assassins in the world for quite some time, even though I was only awarded the title once (the IAORA shoud be fucken ashamed of themselves). But after a while, you just start to ask yourself "am i still the assassin i was a few years ago?"; "Can I still maintain the level of assassinatin' that i used to?"; And, "Do i want to besmirch my name and legacy amongst the assasin community by holding on too long?" Ofcourse I didnt want to.
Well, there was all that and the tendentitis in my ankle.
Anyway, I'm not really sure where i was going with this...
I'm not going to lie to you, I was never really a full-fledged assassin in the more rigid, more tradional sense of the term, that is (this will probably come as a surprise to those girls i was talking to at the bar last night. The business cards were a bit of an embellishment. The "deadlier than a cobra" part is the gods honest truth though). When i say I wasnt a full-fledged assassin, i mean i was an assassin, just not the stereotypical hollywood type of assassin'... I'm only telling you all this because I dont want anyone to think i was trying to pass myself off as something i'm not. Quite frankly, thats just not what i'm about.
The truth is, back when i was 8, Leanne Schmidt gave me half her peanut butter and jam sandwich to kick Michael Irving in the shins... Ya, it still haunts me... and ya, i do have problems sleeping at night. I probably always will. It goes with the territory. You live with it and move on. Thats all anyone can do.
I gave it all up a few years ago though, cause the truth is, that lifestyle is pretty hard on a guy. That, and there just comes a time when you ask yourself "dont i have more to offer than this?" and maybe you want to tell people "god-dammit, theres more to me than just this cold-blooded killer you see standing before you, i'm a human being too." and every once in a while you just want to scream out "fuck, i can be a fucken positive role model for the fucken kids, just give me a fucken chance."
Sure, I still assassinate a few beers on occassion... but am I still the guy you need to worry about when your old man comes up a few hundred thousand bones short to the wrong people, after a bad day a the track (ya, i mean you matiushyk)? No. Thats not me anymore.
Can I help you when your girlfriend steals your savings and your '87 Reliant to run off with a lesbian crack whore, named Bethanie, to start a booster juice franchise in some small mexican border town (ya, i mean you matiushyk). Yes. I can. But only because its happend to me before. Twice. These days though, my help will come in the form of advice, not assassinatin'.
I think we can all agree that i have some pretty good insight into the world of the assassin, even if the morenarrow-minded people among us dont consider me a full-fledged assassin, per say. And so, as you all run off to watch Lucky Number Slevin over the following weeks,you'll have some questions... and i guess what i'm trying to say in this blog entry, is that i'm here as a resource for you. Unfortunately, I'm sure many of you will even consider a career in assassination, and i'll warn you right now, i'm not going to encourage you... but if youre that passionate about it, i might be able to steer you in the right direction and/or write you up a letter of reference.
I really hope i cleared some things up for those of you who have seen the movie already too. Hopefully I've managed to paint a more accurate picture of the lifestyle, cause lets face it, Hollywood is a little full of shit when it comes to this stuff.
You can contact me at superkickassworldclassassassin@darkandstormynight.org with any further inquiries or discussion you might have or want to pursue.
___________
"I'm a world-class assassin fuckhead"
- Mr. Goodcat
n.
One who murders by surprise attack, especially one who carries out a plot to kill a prominent person.
Assassin - A member of a secret order of Muslims who terrorized and killed Christian Crusaders and others.
So, I went to see Lucky Number Slevin tonight, which I liked... and afterwards, I thought perhaps I would write a review of the movie, so that one day, many days from now, i could look back (read my old blog) and say, "hmmn, looks like i enjoyed Lucky Number Slevin, lets see what i liked about it...".
As absolutely fantastic as i predict that moment could have been, I was looking over my previous two blog entries, and i realized that i couldnt follow up somthing as personal as a social commentary on my own matters of the heart with just a simple movie review. i couldnt follow up a post about my troubles with love and life with a couple of thumbs up and a plot summary. Nope, I was gonna have to give a lot more of myself to keep the theme of this blog consistent... Keep peeling back the emotional layers of the onion that is nickel if you will. And therefore, this evening, as a special treat, I have decided to write a few paragraphs regarding my thougths, personal recollections and experiences regarding assassins, assassinatin' and the art of assassination.
I should start by saying that eveything youve probably heard by now is true. I used to be an assassin. Only my almost overwhelming talent and ability allows me to announce that here in this public forum, without fear of revealing my identity to those that might do me harm. i am retired now however, so you can all sleep a little easier (ya, i mean you matiushyk). I know you all have questions at this point, ive heard them all before a million times... Have I ever stared into another man's eyes while i pumped 5 bullets through his skull? You betcha. Have I ever had a mans head in a vice while his 4 children stood by and watched me pop his bloody eyeballs clear out of his head? Ofcourse. And have i ever used a long range sniper rifle to make a eneuch of a high ranking official who may or may not have cheated on his vengeful scorned wife? I think that goes without saying.
I was probably one of the top three assassins in the world for quite some time, even though I was only awarded the title once (the IAORA shoud be fucken ashamed of themselves). But after a while, you just start to ask yourself "am i still the assassin i was a few years ago?"; "Can I still maintain the level of assassinatin' that i used to?"; And, "Do i want to besmirch my name and legacy amongst the assasin community by holding on too long?" Ofcourse I didnt want to.
Well, there was all that and the tendentitis in my ankle.
Anyway, I'm not really sure where i was going with this...
I'm not going to lie to you, I was never really a full-fledged assassin in the more rigid, more tradional sense of the term, that is (this will probably come as a surprise to those girls i was talking to at the bar last night. The business cards were a bit of an embellishment. The "deadlier than a cobra" part is the gods honest truth though). When i say I wasnt a full-fledged assassin, i mean i was an assassin, just not the stereotypical hollywood type of assassin'... I'm only telling you all this because I dont want anyone to think i was trying to pass myself off as something i'm not. Quite frankly, thats just not what i'm about.
The truth is, back when i was 8, Leanne Schmidt gave me half her peanut butter and jam sandwich to kick Michael Irving in the shins... Ya, it still haunts me... and ya, i do have problems sleeping at night. I probably always will. It goes with the territory. You live with it and move on. Thats all anyone can do.
I gave it all up a few years ago though, cause the truth is, that lifestyle is pretty hard on a guy. That, and there just comes a time when you ask yourself "dont i have more to offer than this?" and maybe you want to tell people "god-dammit, theres more to me than just this cold-blooded killer you see standing before you, i'm a human being too." and every once in a while you just want to scream out "fuck, i can be a fucken positive role model for the fucken kids, just give me a fucken chance."
Sure, I still assassinate a few beers on occassion... but am I still the guy you need to worry about when your old man comes up a few hundred thousand bones short to the wrong people, after a bad day a the track (ya, i mean you matiushyk)? No. Thats not me anymore.
Can I help you when your girlfriend steals your savings and your '87 Reliant to run off with a lesbian crack whore, named Bethanie, to start a booster juice franchise in some small mexican border town (ya, i mean you matiushyk). Yes. I can. But only because its happend to me before. Twice. These days though, my help will come in the form of advice, not assassinatin'.
I think we can all agree that i have some pretty good insight into the world of the assassin, even if the morenarrow-minded people among us dont consider me a full-fledged assassin, per say. And so, as you all run off to watch Lucky Number Slevin over the following weeks,you'll have some questions... and i guess what i'm trying to say in this blog entry, is that i'm here as a resource for you. Unfortunately, I'm sure many of you will even consider a career in assassination, and i'll warn you right now, i'm not going to encourage you... but if youre that passionate about it, i might be able to steer you in the right direction and/or write you up a letter of reference.
I really hope i cleared some things up for those of you who have seen the movie already too. Hopefully I've managed to paint a more accurate picture of the lifestyle, cause lets face it, Hollywood is a little full of shit when it comes to this stuff.
You can contact me at superkickassworldclassassassin@darkandstormynight.org with any further inquiries or discussion you might have or want to pursue.
___________
"I'm a world-class assassin fuckhead"
- Mr. Goodcat
That's not a valid mail address. I dated a lesbian named Bethanie when I was 19. So, in short: I'm sueing you.
Posted by
Fred |
Wed May 10, 11:20:00 AM PDT
Do you "take care" of neighbors pets as well?
Posted by
VF |
Wed May 10, 05:06:00 PM PDT
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die.
Posted by
Doc Thirst |
Wed May 10, 08:19:00 PM PDT